Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Dirty mouth

My mouth tastes like a bag of stale potato chips mixed with cigarette butts. I've been sick for the past two days--coughing and sleeping and coughing some more--and have that weird spacey feeling you get when you are sick and think hmm, perhaps I won't be going back to work tomorrow, or next week; perhaps this is just my life now. It wouldn't be so bad, sitting around on the sofa with a liter of ginger ale and the remote control. It's boring and makes you feel about as useful as a lump of cheese that's started to turn, but it's not demanding and there's no commute, so it's not all bad.
Today I read about Nicole Richie's shocking weight loss, and the blonde girl off Grey's Anatomy (which is not a programme I can be bothered with but her new film sounds fun), watched a really good Magnum PI episode in which he reunites a couple of Russian defectors, and compared presenters on two of the shopping channels. I really got into it, actually.
One woman, sadly crippled by her stumpy fingers (if you're going to spend your working life displaying jewellery and facial cleansers on TV, you gotta have long, impressive fingers, I feel), was all about the hard-sell: she waved a sterling and semi-precious gem pendant around for a bit and then slashed the price: "That's $39.99, ladies, no $35.99, that's $34.99...that's $30.00...$29.99...that's an unbelievable value that you just wouldn't find retail. These are going fast. That's $19.99! I don't believe it. That is the cost of the materials alone, that just does not take into consideration the craftsmanship you're looking at here."
The other woman, a groomed Southern lady, sat with her ankles crossed like Jackie O, and concentrated on the different ways you could wear the gold chains she was selling, and let me tell you, you just would not believe how creative you can get when you have to. She was shortening necklaces into chokers and looping them around her wrist multiple times as bracelets, she was working out how you might use this pair of earrings in the workplace or to add some kick to your outfit for a summer BBQ, how this piece might work with gemstones and how this stunner could become your new signature look. "Buy this today and you can enjoy it all summer," she said as she fondled a $440 chain made of large circular links, some highly polished and some textured, all Italian crafted.
I was entranced. It took my mind off the bad taste in my mouth (and the weird white spots). It's days like this that make me wonder if trying to have a career and give a poop about it is a waste of time, because I am just as happy watching people sell jewellery on television. And I don't even buy it.